One Month Down, An Eternity To Go...

Seriously?? Only a month?? I feel like I've been going full tilt with God for a year now. But, as the typical human, and the typical Brenna, I already notice myself losing steam. Don't get me wrong, I still read my bible everyday, pray several times a day, my cussing has all but quit, and God is continuing to show me ways to discipline my sinful nature. I've just got this nagging feeling, that all I am doing is not good enough. When I accepted Christ, I accepted it on faith that I am saved because of His sacrifice.

But there is this overwhelming problem I have with self criticism. I throw myself into something, then I get down on myself at the first mistake, throw my hands in the air, and quit. There have even been points in my life when I've considered quitting life. I am trying to remind myself that God knows I am human, and that He loves me despite my shortcomings...but I am still having an incredibly difficult time loving myself in spite of my faults.

This journey has changed somewhat. I do not feel alone. And I love that I can go to my heavenly Dad with every little nuance of my life. Approaching Him as a father figure has been...difficult, to say the least, but I am very aware of the healing He is doing in my heart. I guess I am still struggling with being stagnant...and the inability to believe in my dreams.

I AM a dreamer! It comes out in my art, music, poetry...but I put it on hold. I have been so conditioned to accept only the practical in life, that I am a bit wary of God's plan for me. Honestly...I am frightened. He is testing my dependence on Him already, and I shudder to think of the impending failure, should He ask something of me. I want to please Him so badly! Sigh. I am viewing God as I view my earthly father. It took me writing that out to understand my misconception. Anybody have any ideas on how I can start to fix this??